Forgive & Remember
PART 2: FORGIVE & REMEMBER
In Part 1, we described that forgiveness is not forgetting. Why have we instructed ‘forgetting’? Where did we get it?
First, the most common coping method we employ as humans is avoidance. We don’t want to remember harm. We want to pretend it didn’t happen.
Second, as Christians we may have heard someone take the language from Jeremiah 31 (“I will remember your sins no more”) and extend it to some sort of spiritual rule (“Therefore you should act like you don’t remember the sins of others”). This is a poor application of a beautiful passage, describing how God doesn’t count our sins against us—Sins that He does remember, does acknowledge, invites us to name, and which required a real cost (the sacrifice of Jesus).
The truth, from Scripture, is much closer to “Forgive & Remember.”
‘FORGIVE LIKE JESUS’
In the Scriptures, God often calls his people to remember: To remember his goodness; to remember how their forefathers turned away from him, were stiff necked, and did not get to enter the promise land; to remember “Who you once were, when you walked in the ways of the wicked” (Col. 3, Eph. 4).
You will not find the concept “forgive & forget” in the Scriptures.
But if we were looking for instructions on how to forgive (and what it means) from the Bible, it could summed up in six words, taught by Paul in multiple books:
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” ‘
The Lord’ referred to here is Jesus.
“Forgive like Jesus.”
Well, how does Jesus forgive?
JESUS WAS BETRAYED BY ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS
Let’s consider briefly the story of Peter’s denial of Jesus in Luke 22. Jesus was betrayed by one of his closest friends. That is something to truly consider. It kind of takes your breath away. It is a picture of Jesus’ humanity that we can relate to; that we can feel. What would it be like if one of your closest friends betrayed you? Some of us know. And Jesus knows.
Peter was questioned three times by others, who accused him of simply being a friend to Jesus (who had just been arrested). And Peter denies it. He denies knowing him at all.
Then we read,
“and immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed and Jesus turned… and looked at Peter.” vv.60-61.
Do you not sense the intensity of this look?
This look and this story tell us a lot about what it means to forgive like Jesus.
This look is one of acknowledgment.
Then in John 21, when Jesus reinstates Peter, he takes time to remind him of his denial by asking him three times,
“Simon, Son of John, do you love me?”
Jesus was inviting Peter to remember his betrayal. And yet, when someone recalls harm, we have so often been told, “Why are you bringing this up again? Don’t be so bitter!”
FORGIVENESS REQUIRES REMEMBERING
If we are going to forgive (or be forgiven) we must take time to acknowledge and name some things.
We must take time to remember.
How can we do this?
On your own, or with a counselor (or trusted guide), consider these two categories:
Who has caused you harm, or affected you with their words, actions, or lack of words/actions? Who have you been hurt by? Who have you felt hurt by?
This is not bitterness. This is truth-telling. It is an opportunity to name what is true and, therefore, possibly even heal from the harm. Answering “nobody” to this is untrue, we are likely lying to ourselves.Who have you caused harm or affected with your words, actions, or lack of words/actions? Who have you hurt? Who has felt hurt by you (or may have)?
What does this have to do with the harm of others? Forgiveness requires the ability to hold and acknowledge both (as we will see in future parts). We’ll talk more about this in Part 3.
Truth-telling for both of these categories is hard, but naming is the first step.
Once we have begun to name, to acknowledge, to remember…
HOW DO WE FORGIVE LIKE JESUS?
We’ll talk about this in Part 3….
Additional Resources:
Adam Young’s helpful podcast series on this can be found here.
I recently spoke at Reach Church on this topic here.